A Chocobo and Cloud
by Kuroda Kumiko
Summary: It's Marlene's birthday, and Cloud is dragged along to the chocobo farm. Already having a dislike for the beasts, he is not amused when things start to get out of hand..


**A chocobo and Cloud - A Final Fantasy VII Oneshot by Juikal**

I failed to find more than a handful of fanfictions involving chocobos, so I came up with the crazy and absurd oneshot involving one of the beasts and our own loveable Cloudiekins. Enjoy! Warning - Cloti.

_Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or any of its characters, nor am I making any money off this. _

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As they trampled along the lush, morning grass, Cloud Strife began to wonder how on earth he ever agreed to this.

It was Marlene's birthday. On Denzel's birthday a short while ago, he had been allowed to go anywhere reasonable he wanted, and so they had all gone to Gold Saucer and had a great time. It was also their first time on the Shera, Cid's new airship. But Marlene had of course, wanted to go somewhere 'fun'. She had chosen the Chocobo Ranch. Denzel had never heard of a chocobo, so Tifa had to explain. She - like most typical females - pretty much adored them. The time that Cloud had been forced to ride a chocobo was years ago, when they had had to cross the nearby Marsh on their journey to defeat Sephiroth and stop Meteor from sealing the Planet's fate. Of course, now they had no need to cross it. And even if they did, the long serpent-like dragon, the Midgar Zolom that resided below its surface would be no match for them. Besides, the group had split. They still got together for old reunions and special days, but they were all doing different things now. Cloud, however, was staying at Seventh Heaven with Tifa and the kids. He was no longer a delivery man - instead he helped a little with the bar work.

And now they were nearing the Chocobo Ranch. Cloud's plan was to hang around near the gate and wait for the girls to be done. He was sure Denzel wouldn't like them either. Who _could_ like great big yellow chickens, anyway?

' Chocobo! Chocobo! ' Marlene was chanting. She chanted a _lot_, and about the strangest things. Suddenly, she gasped as Tifa stopped. Denzel had fallen back against the grass.

' Tifa! ' he exclaimed breathlessly. His foot has apparently managed to trip over a large mark in the ground. A large chocobo footprint, in the v formation. Many of these prints were scattered around the Ranch, meaning it was a place where wild chocobos roamed. None, however, that Cloud could see - which meant he was indeed relieved. After a little while of more walking, the Chocobo Ranch soon came into view. Tifa was dragged further over as Marlene pulled her towards the farm, eager to catch sight of the large yellow beasts. The Ranch was owned by Chocobo Bill and his son, Choco Billy. Cloud had never liked them much, or perhaps that was just because he didn't like chocobos.. either way, he wanted to stay as far away as possible from them.

' Oh, look! ' Marlene cried, and they all looked up to see a giant creature looming over them from inside the fenced area that they sometimes kept other people's chocobos. Chocobos are generally quite large, much taller than a horse, weigh quite a lot and have long necks and legs. (They resembled ostriches a little - but of course they don't know that) Looking at them with optimistic eyes, it seemed to grin and then chirruped in such a way that made Cloud want to tear off his arm just so he had something to throw at it. Meanwhile, the kids were in gaping mode and Tifa was raising out a hand to stroke it gently along its neck. Fluffling its wings, it turned its gaze towards her and made a low noise that sounded like a purr.

' Wark! Warrrk! ' Marlene giggled, but Denzel seemed to find himself clutching his fist tightly and backing away from the yellow chocobo. Chocobos came in other colours, but only when properly bred, raised and raced. Cloud once even had to ride a chocobo, but he had to admit it was kind of fun.. in a way.

' Come on, Cloud, it's a choco-choco-chocobo! ' Marlene sang, pushing him further towards the chocobo.

Suddenly, it seemed to move closer towards him. Making strange noises, it lashed out with its beak. Cloud closed his eyes, waiting for the stupid beast to attack him or something. But instead, it had closed its eyes and was nuzzling his head, purring and chirrupping. Marlene giggled and clasped her hands together, whilst Denzel just stood confused. Tifa, however, was in a silent fit of hysterics. This chocobo didn't seem to find Cloud as a human, but as a chocobo himself! Not just a _chocobo_, but..

' It's mating season, right? ' Tifa teased innocently. Cloud glared at her. Marlene and Denzel were outside playing with the younger chocobos that had been born last year - they took a while to grow - whilst Cloud and Tifa were indoors with Chocobo Bill, who had understood the whole situation. Tifa still seemed to find the whole situation amusing.

' Oh, it's probably just because of your hair, dear, ' Billy's wife had said. Choco Billy was of course older now, and had managed to marry someone from Kalm. Not that Cloud cared, of course. They were already telling him boring information about what had been 'happening in the area', lack of chocobos, raise in chocobos, going slightly down in prices with greens.. and so on. All Cloud cared about now was going home, NOW. And now the subject of why he was mistaken for a _female chocobo_ had arised. At school he had had his fair share of 'chocobo head', 'cloudiebo', 'chocobo-boy' and similiar insults.

Tifa had bought a bag of gyahsl greens for them to use to feed some of the chocobos outside, but that didn't stop 'Cloud's chocobo' - or so Tifa called him - from whining and pining and squealing and trying madly to get through the gate, scrabbling at the sides and running round in frenzies. Chocobos were too heavy to be able to fly, and instead had adapted to become extremely swift runners. They were a popular choice for warriors and guards as mounts, because of their size and capability. Chocobos survived well in many different terrains, and they could also be trained as fighters. Tifa was also trying to teach Cloud to like chocobos - to find 'the good' in them. Apparently, they were 'cute'. Denzel was still a bit cautious around them, but was fast becoming more liking of the beasts. They had even been given the chance to ride the smaller yearling chocobos. Marlene had even asked if she could take one home, she had become 'friends' with a wimpy chocobo that kept on getting pecked by the others.

Now the chocobo ranch farmers had asked them whether they would like to stay for dinner. Before Cloud could speak, Tifa had accepted immediatly. _Typical._ It was a shame, because Tifa was famous for her cooking wide around. Apparently the ranchers also cooked chocobo eggs and meat, although how anyone could get close enough to a chocobo to kill it without screaming at it for merely being alive was beyond Cloud's knowledge. So they were served the Chocobo 'Special'. Cloud definatly was looking forward to dinner.

' Cloud, could you get the kids in? ' Tifa called from the house's kitchen. Cloud's eyes widened, and began helplessly looking round for somebody else to do it instead. Billy and his father were on the other side of the farm cutting the grass and feeding the chocobos, and Tifa was helping Billy's wife to clean the dishes.

' Of.. of course! ' he muttered back to her, cursing under his breath afterwards. Sweeping outside, he opened his mouth. ' Marlene, Denzel! Dinner! ' No answer. Cursing again, he began trudging along the grass towards the little farmhouse they were getting attatched to. _Next they'll turn INTO chocobos,_ Cloud thought. Suddenly, his foot slipped against the mud he hadn't seen. Realising suddenly that he wasn't wearing the wellington boots Billy had advised him to wear if he ever roamed the farm, he fell onto his stomach, face straight into the mud, too startled to get his reflexes together.

Before he could begin to get up, a sharp 'warrrrrrrk!' met his ears. If he could scream, he would do at that exact moment. But having a mouth full of mud and a chocobo nuzzling his hair wasn't much help.

' ..I hate chocobos.. '


End file.
